Not Loving It

I Hate McDonalds.
But before you lump me in with the lawsuit crazed "Fast Food made America Fat" movement, let me explain. I have no problem with the food. I hate McDonalds because of their advertising. They are Idiots. None of their commercials make sense and, they are not funny, though they sell their souls trying. But we watch and we try to laugh anyway because we think we are supposed to.
Come on America, forget all of this, McDonalds made me Fat twaddle, McDonalds is making us Stupid! Don’t believe me? Consider the following…

The McGriddles commercials.
These were Horrifically bad.
First, there was the random, disconnected, "A great girl is like a McGriddles" commercial. In which a desperate, whiny pale woman uses a very bad analogy involving a Mcgriddle to try and coax the oblivious guy that she is with, to see her as a romantic possibility.

This was followed by an ad with a bug-eyed girl living alone in a house where everything is white. The girl wanders through the house telling us about all the incredible things she did yesterday(met celebrities, was chased by paparazzi ect.) She’s obviously lying, but she seems to believe herself. She then starts to eat a Mcgriddle and, smugly refuses to tell us what she is going to do tomorrow saying

"Wouldn’t you like to know."

The whole commercial has a psych ward feel to it. But that may, in fact be, exactly who it’s targeting. There were several others, but I just get irritated thinking about them.

The two commercials I mentioned left me oddly frustrated, but they pale in comparison to the latest campaign.

"The McDonalds Arch card."

If you haven’t heard about the "Arch Card" you obviously deprive yourself from human contact of any kind, and shun modern technology. The advertising is literally everywhere.

The "Arch Card" Is the latest marketing gimmick from McDonalds. It’s a re-load-able gift card that can only be used at McDonalds restaurants. For those of you who need it broken down even further, you are unbelievably not bright. But, for your sake, I’ll try and simplify.
Picture this,
You walk into McDonalds with a 10-dollar bill, hand it to the 16-year-old, Zoloft deprived, Sales clerk and ask for an Arch Card. He or She then sighs dramatically as if the pain you are causing with this request is scaring the darkest depths of his/her angst ridden soul, takes your money, rings up your sale, scratches his her/her latest piercing vigorously and with the same hand, hands you "The Arch Card." A small thin piece of plastic decorated with a picture of someone prettier and richer than you doing things you want to do, but aren’t allowed to. That’s right folks, for just ten dollars you can own, wait for it… ten dollars! Not to mention a bonus dose of that, you’re just not good enough, feeling, at no extra cost! Once you purchase the card, you can use it like cash at, where else, McDonalds. Am I the only one who thinks this is ridiculous?

Rationalization

I’ve been feeling left out lately. Everywhere I go, I hear mutterings of “blogs”. At first it was only on occasion and, at places like Starbucks. You know, where the cyber-nerds cluster and congratulate each other on discovering new font sizes. But lately it seems to be a full-blown epidemic. Talking has become a secondary form of communication. For instance, people no longer talk about their feelings; they talk about their blogs, where they talk about their feelings. Guys around the water cooler aren’t discussing sports and women; they’re discussing the blogs that discuss sports and women. These things are everywhere! I can’t even go into a public bathroom without seeing some blog address scrawled on the wall in what I desperately hope is lipstick. The bottom line: Blogs are suddenly no longer an option. If you don’t have one, you are a modern day Hellen Keller. God help you.